Post-Season Blues
by SynapticFirefly
Summary: With PC Principal, new found love of guns, yaoi, and the advent of ads still on the horizon, the only problem Stan takes offense to is Kyle's choice of romantic partners. What's his problem? [Gift-fic for feufollet-xo!]


It all started during a game of basketball. Cartman was hogging the ball, but that was on par to his poor sportsmanship. Nine times out of ten it was up to Kyle to cleverly strategize him away from the ball if they had any hope of finishing the game before sundown.

"Kahl!" he whined when Kyle smacked it out of his hands. "Knock it off, butthole!"

"Stop hogging the ball, fatass," Kyle countered evenly. Kenny quickly collected the ball and hopped for a three pointer. He missed, but Kyle was the only one who cheered.

Stan could only stand there and wonder why the hell they were doing this. Just recently they dealt with the whole PC thing, but something about Kyle just kept nagging through his thoughts, bringing doubt and anger along with it. He thought he got over his cynicism - that they could go back to status quo - but what Kyle had done was just so bizarre, Stan just couldn't let it fly.

Maybe this was Cartman's fault too. He couldn't stop teasing Kyle and Jimmy about Leslie; that she hoodwinked them and their dicks were compromised. Jimmy he understood - he could be quite the ladies man if he really wanted to. But _Kyle?_ Why Kyle?

Just what the hell made her so damn appealing that Kyle was willing to trade his life for her?

Kyle hardly even knew Leslie, but he had no problem giving his entire self to her with just an open palm and that innocent gaze. For some reason it pissed him off more than it should.

"Think fast, Stan!" yelled Kyle suddenly.

The basketball came hurtling so fast, Stan barely blinked before it smacked him right in the gut. He doubled over, more from surprise than pain, and Cartman's sharp barks of laughter just made things ten times worse.

"Ha, ha! Stan, you clumsy asshole!" Along with the burning humiliation of his shitty catch, that coupled by his seething thoughts, was practically his breaking point.

Kyle sheepishly bent down to pick up the ball rolling toward his feet. "Sorry, dude! I thought you were paying-"

All of a sudden, he was staring down the barrel of Stan's gun. He blinked. "S-Stan?"

Cartman screwed his face into a sneer. "The fuck, Stan?! I thought we agreed on no firearms in the court! Stop cheating, hippie!"

Unfortunately for Cartman, Stan wasn't thinking about basketball. Not by a long shot. His mouth was twisted down into a harsh, almost petulant frown. "Why?" That one simple word carried through the entire court, leaving his friends confused and slightly alarmed.

Kyle slowly raised his hands up in surrender. "Dude, put the gun down."

"I want to know why!" Stan snapped. "What did you see in her?!"

"See in who?" Kyle exclaimed, his brow furrowed in helpless confusion.

Cartman rolled his eyes, catching on quickly. "Oh god. Not this gay shit again. See, Kenny? After Craig and Tweek got together, everyone's been catching the gay bug!"

Kenny shot Cartman a look of extreme disbelief. "Sure, man…" he trilled in through his hoodie. Cartman's shoulders seized up in apprehension. "Suuuure…"

"It's true, butthole!"

"Just shut the fuck up!" Stan snarled at them before snapping back to Kyle. "Is Leslie your new best friend now?! Cartman told me all about your dick!"

Kyle's response was flat. "I'm seriously not surprised that Cartman was talking about my dick-"

"-I'm not gay, goddammit!" Cartman squeaked out angrily. Kenny snorted.

"-but seriously? It's _really_ hard to be best friends with someone who had their face punched through by the principal," Kyle finished coolly. "You can't be _this_ pissed off, Stan. She was an ad! It's been weeks since this shit happened!"

Stan faltered for a second. Maybe he _was_ irrationally angry, but he just couldn't help it. Kyle had run off with an ad pretending to be a girl - gave her his devotion in one day what Stan had rightfully worked for since they were _babies_. It just didn't make sense! It didn't!

"And besides!" Kyle suddenly piped up. "You betrayed me first!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yuh-huh! What was that shit in the cafeteria, then? I'm pretty sure you weren't trying to single me out to spare my 'feelings'. You thought I would betray you! This is so fucking typical of you!"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Hey Jew, can you just give us the fucking ball? I'd rather throw some hoops than stand here and listen to you bitch to your boyfri- OW! MOTHERFUCKER!" Kyle had thrown the ball right at his face with a loud 'plop'. The ball loudly bounced down the court followed by Kenny's outrageous cackle.

"How's that typical of me?!" Stan screeched.

The way Kyle turned reminded Stan of a very irritated and fluffed up cat. "Are you that surprised I turned to someone else? You made it pretty clear I couldn't be trusted! And when Leslie came to me for help, what the hell did you think would happen? _She_ trusted me! Yeah okay, she used me, but that's beside the point! This random girl in school believed in me! She believed in my speeches! You didn't give a shit this entire goddamn time!"

Cartman was trying to goad Kenny into tossing the ball around, but the boy simply sat on the asphalt and listened in on this really good piece of drama.

"He's got a point, dude!" he muffled out.

"I…" His gun started to tremble. Kyle did suffer a bit since PC Principal took charge of the school. "I guess you had a hard time for awhile."

"Yeah, no shit," Kyle said blandly. "Big fucking whoop, dude. Get over it. I did."

He blinked. Was it really that simple to brush aside? "Really?"

"I wouldn't be here playing basketball with you guys if I wasn't cool with you," Kyle continued with a reassuring grin. "You're the one who's got some kind of bug up your ass."

Stan fell silent. This kind of was a stupid idea. What did he expect Kyle to say? That he was sorry? They were all suckered into this whole PC problem. Why was he still so salty over Kyle siding with Leslie?

It had to be what Cartman had said earlier. He kept going on and on about how much in love Kyle was with her - that he was willing to go against his own friends because he, like Jimmy, had a simple crush on her. Everything else he was cool with. But this?

"Is this even about the betrayal?" Kyle egged on. "Are you more pissed off at me… or Leslie? Is it really that ridiculous that I like spending time with girls? I'm not like Cartman, you know."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Cartman barked.

Kyle fixed him a look. "Oh come off it, Cartman. You couldn't be any more obvious!"

Stan blinked again. It was the status quo: he'd have Wendy while Kyle was his support, his best friend. What if he really was threatened by Leslie? He knew Kyle - when Kyle fell in love, he fell really deep. There was no if's, and's, or but's about it.

When Kyle fell in love with Rebecca Cotswolds, it was pure and simple. He sang to her by her window. He enthusiastically asked around for Nichole's hobbies just so he can make their eventual dating perfect. Stan knew that the person Kyle would give his heart to would be the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

Kyle would love them, protect them, and spend every moment thinking about them even when it seemed like he didn't. It was special and Stan didn't like that. Their friendship would dwarf in comparison when it would happen. That thing with Leslie was just too close for comfort this time.

And when he remembered the way Kyle protectively kept her by his side at the gun show, he doubled over and suddenly puked onto the asphalt.

"Dude!" Kyle squeaked and jogged forward to rub his back. But when Stan threw up again as Kyle's warm hand slid up his jacket, he jumped away to avoid getting it on his new sneakers. "Gross!"

"I told you guys," Cartman said in a panic. "It's the gay bug."

"You can't catch gay, Cartman!" Kyle snapped at him. "Don't be a dumbass!"

The large boy pointed dramatically at Stan, who was still trying to empty out his lunch all over the court. "What do you call that then? Pretty sure Stan was straight a week ago, Kahl! Now he's puking his heart out for you! Everyone's turning gay!"

"Including you?"

Kyle's words made Cartman physically recoil. "Fuck you, Kahl!" he hissed and stomped off. "I don't have to spend my afternoon dealing with you assholes!"

"The hell does he think he's fooling?" Kenny wondered lazily at Cartman's large behind before reaching out for Stan. Fortunately, Stan wasn't puking anymore with Kenny rubbing his back instead. Kyle could only stand there uselessly and wait for his nausea to subside.

"Stan, let's just call this a truce and be done with it," Kyle said warily. "Look at you man. You're so pissed off, you're puking."

Cartman wasn't the only one to react to Kyle's choice of wording. Cupping his mouth in horror, Stan's eyes widened in realization. No… it couldn't be! But when he looked up to a concerned face and green eyes much too bright and fascinating for a _boy_ to have, Stan felt another wave of nausea settling in.

No. This couldn't be happening!

"Stan!" Kyle called out when he suddenly sprinted down the court and toward the neighborhood.

"It's fine! We're cool! Just stay away!" Stan squeaked out over his shoulder. He nearly puked in Mrs. Stotch's prized hydrangeas before he darted out of sight.

Kyle lowered his outstretched hand, mildly puzzled. "Oh. Alright." He turned to Kenny. "Do you wanna shoot a few hoops still?"

"I'd love to, but I wouldn't want to catch the gay," Kenny teased. "And you're looking mighty pretty today."

"Don't joke. This day's weird enough as it is," Kyle warned and, conscious of Stan's puke all over the place, moved to the other side of the court when Kenny tossed him the ball.

"Yeah. I know, dude. You can't catch the gay." Kenny thumbed over his shoulder. "It's the Japanese that decide."

Over on the playground, a small group of Asian girls had hung around and quietly listened to the argument that went down on the court. One girl flipped her notepad and, instead of finishing her latest art of Craig and Tweek, started to sketch out a new couple. The girls tilted their heads and oooh'd and ahh'd at the new revelation.

" _Douomoimasu ka?"_ The girl eagerly asked them. [What do you think?]

One girl hummed in deliberation. " _Sore ga chotto kawaii desu ne…"_ [That is kinda cute…]

Thus South Park's new yaoi couple was born.


End file.
